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Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

The Pharisees asked Jesus, “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?” Jesus does not really answer the question. It was simply asking if the law allowed it. The Law of Moses was both religious law and civil law, which ultimately gave it the force of God’s will. And it went without saying that if Moses allowed it, it had to be God’s will. But Jesus says divorce is Moses’ solution for the hardness of their hearts, as it were God conceding defeat over something opposed to the divine plan. And challenging his listeners, Jesus calls their attention to God’s design spelled out in the book of Genesis. Then he shifts their attention from the issue of divorce to the ideal of marriage.

I then went online to find official statistical data on marriage and divorce in the US. I can’t say the data explains anything. I once heard, whether true or not, that half of all marriages end in divorce. It is a shocking statistic. But it doesn’t alter God’s design. I discovered too that “marriage” in these statistics means the same as “wedding,” the ceremony or ritual, religious or civil, recognized by the Office of Vital Statistics of each state, which counts marriage licenses issued and recorded in their books. And only CA includes registered marriages without a license. Now the number of marriages and divorces recorded are averaged per thousand residents 15 years and older, nationally and by state. The data does not separate residents from visitors, nor straight from gay couples since the 2015 Supreme Court decision.

25 years of records from states[1] and 23 years nationwide[2] show a gradual decline in marriages (weddings), and roughly half that in divorces, since divorces are only granted to people who marry. Curiously, 99% of individuals 15+ years in NV married in 1990, while only 26% married in 2022. I’m thinking those who married weren’t all NV residents. The lowest rate of marriages in 2022 was LA at 3.7 per 1000 residents. While all the states report marriages, 5 states do not report divorces[3]: IN with no record ever, CA which stopped after 1990, HI after 2002, MN after 2004, NM after 2016. GA stopped after 2003 but resumed in 2017. LA reported in 2002 and 2003, not before, then not again until 2013. OK stopped in 2000 but resumed in 2004. I think the numbers can be misleading since couples who marry in any given year are rarely the same who get divorced that same year. And despite the Supreme Court recognizing same-sex marriage in 2015, any increase was negligible. UT reported a 0.9 increase in 2016 from the previous year; GA 0.6; NY 0.4; KS, MA, RI 0.3; KY, NM, VT 0.2; MD, MO, NE, NH, NJ, OH, PA, TN 0.1. All other states reported a decrease or stayed the same. Nobody counts unmarried couples living together. So, when they separate, there’s no divorce. And not all married couples who separate get a legal divorce.

These statistics aside, I only know what I know. I have officiated a few weddings and submitted a few petitions for annulments to the tribunal in 27 years as parish priest. Even church census data is not hard proof since married couples don’t have to show documentation when they join the parish, nor does anyone who gets divorced have to let us know. But when I conduct a wedding in the Catholic church, I am required to go over what the church teaches about marriage. And here I need the help of other married couples. I make certain no obstacle prevents official recognition of their marriage by either church or state. I celebrate with them, then I go home. The rest is their business. They can fake it through the process to get what they want. They can even fool me. God alone is the judge. I just run the wedding rehearsal and sign the marriage certificate.

In the years ahead, I want to provide married couples in the parish opportunity to reflect on the blessings and challenges of married life, their sacred commitment, and the implications of family life. A difference in religious background can cause concern down the road, but not always, or a wide age difference between the spouses or their cultures or families of origin. Other challenges can include having a child with special needs, a miscarriage, or infertility issues. There can be a history of mental health issues, abuse, addiction, or alcoholism. A couple once called it quits because work got in the way; one of them chose work. Isolation and alienation can result from or cause marital infidelity or failure. But healing and forgiveness can happen too. As scary as it might seem, I assure you that I’ve known many more couples who face heroically the challenges of marriage and family life with determination and dedication, with trust in God and confidence in each other. It isn’t all gloom and doom. But we still need help with encouraging and strengthening marriages and families. Talk to me and we can explore helpful ideas. When married couples seek help or advice, it will be about what the church teaches. Everything else, we all know, will be out of my league.

Even when a civil divorce is granted, the church teaches the marriage bond is not automatically broken. When they marry, baptized persons celebrate a sacrament, but Catholics have other obligations according to church law. For a Catholic marriage to be valid, previous marriage must be declared invalid. This is a public declaration made on the authority of the local bishop who delegates his diocesan tribunal to investigate each case. Marriage enjoys the favor of law, until the contrary is proven. A failed marriage is declared invalid from the beginning based on hard evidence or testimony. Otherwise, the church has no authority to overturn the presumption of validity. But Jesus entrusted his ministry of healing and forgiveness to his apostles and his church, so I am strongly convinced we can never send anyone away because we hit an obstacle. We must find a way. And if you have concerns or questions, please come talk to me.

Jesus teaches us that from the beginning of creation, God called husband and wife to share in God’s own life reflected in the communion of body, mind, and spirit. A bad marriage is a poor reflection of God’s life. Or it is a sign of human weakness. Sometimes, it can be turned around. Marriage according to God’s design is a lofty ideal, and few will admit their marriage truly reflects this reality. But the weakness and limitation of our human nature should never lower the bar. The church believes that God calls us to something nobler, something holier, something more beautiful than we can ever ask or imagine. And when I find examples of this ideal among married couples, I give thanks to God, that we are given a share in such a noble, holy, and beautiful gift. The rest I try to help move along, encouraging them, strengthening them, challenging them.

The church needs healthy and holy marriages and families that it might proclaim the gospel effectively. For from these marriages and families, God invites young people to choose the commitment of church ministry and leadership and the commitment of marriage and family life for the glory of his name, the advancement of the kingdom, and the benefit of the human family. And we will always have to face challenges.  That, too, is part of God’s plan. Some will meet success, some will not, but we are all called to persevere, to do our best, and to trust in God’s promise of healing and salvation.

Rolo B Castillo © 2024

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[1] https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/marriage-divorce/state-marriage-rates-90-95-00-22.pdf

[2] https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/marriage-divorce/national-marriage-divorce-rates-00-22.pdf

[3] https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/marriage-divorce/state-divorce-rates-90-95-00-22.pdf